Bob Devens Guides for Budding Engineerists

This is copied directly from Bob Devens' post on hkcentral.net.

I know what you're thinking. There are already like 15 of these guides, aren't there? Why are you writing a new one? Shouldn't you write a guide for a harder class, like the pyro or the demo? Why do so many people think that no one knows how to play Engy?

Well screw you, why do your thought trails go so far? You should try to cut down on that, you could make your point a lot quicker.

The reason I'm writing a guide is because I'm an Engineerist. It's different.

So with out further or do, I present to HK :

The Bob Devens Guide for the Budding Engineerist

The first thing you will undoubtedly notice when you choose the engineer is that you have chosen the engineer. Next, you'll probably sit in the spawn for a few minutes thinking about this. Then you will probably be disconnected for whatever reason and rejoin some time later. Then, you will probably choose engineer again and cycle through your

Weapons

1. The Shotgun
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For when your sentry isn't good enough (and it isn't)
This is useful for shooting things, and for killing things with shooting.

2. The Pistol (OP in my opinion)
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Great for picking off cowards, or for dropping ammo when you die so that your team can reload and miss some more

3. The Wrench
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Some choose to snipe. Some choose to launch rockets. Some choose to use fire.
For those with balls however (metaphorically), there's the wrench.

The engineer can't hide behind his team and pick people off with out fighting. He can't blow up multiple people in one shot. He can't run forward and drool. Medics don't heal him, team mates don't cover him and everyone seems to love putting holes in that bright yellow helmet.

4. sentry

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Good for distracting people while you shoot them with your hand held bullet propulsion devices or maul them with your wrench

Strategeries for the Engineerist

Okay, so maybe he does have a sentry to "hide behind" which picks off "people" with out him "fighting", and he can just watch "horses" running around with their beautiful "manes" on youtube until his "team" wins, but the sentry is not as lethal as you might think.

Anyone with half a brain can easily take this thing out. Any class is somewhat likely to take it out with an uber and an ounce of skill. Some can easily do it with no uber.

This means that it's useful, but mostly on cowards who are also idiots. Engineers might be able to hide behind it all day, but you can't mister. You got shit to do. TF2 related shit.

Strategery #1 - CTF

You don't necessarily have to stop people from grabbing the intel, but you do have to stop them from getting out. Spies and scouts can slip past you (through the use of drugs and invisibility, I might add), but if they can't escape, it's useless.
Put your sentry wherever it blocks the most exits. Block routs with dispensers (and I do mean rout, you cowards) clean up what's left with your real guns.
If an engineer is building somewhere, try to cover whatever area his lame ass gun is missing. Help him build if he has a good placement. Bad ones are a waste of metal.

Strategery #2 - PL

Defensive engineerists are not engineerists at all on payload maps. Unless it's necessary.

Offensive engineerists should build a sentry in the spawn area before the round starts to prevent or slow down an enemy uber trying to flush your team out. Slap down a teleporter, but don't bother upgrading it just yet.

As your team moves the kart, try putting sentries in places where enemies could get by and flank your team. If you're losing, do it anyway. It'll give your team safe passage so that they can flank the enemy. This is most effective on gold rush, as there are a bunch of tunnels available to engineerists.

If you don't care about that, try to sneak by and put it somewhere that it can stop or slow down enemy reinforcements.

Engineerists are required to maintain stealth positions for hours, sometimes even days. You should exercise regularly to prevent injury.

Make sure you get a teleporter up when your team gets some distance. The cowards on your team will probably ask "Why don't we have a teleporter up yet?" as you're building.
You could just as easily ask "Why haven't any of your balls (metaphorically) dropped yet?"

Strategery #3 - CP

Defensive engineers on CP maps are cowards. This is why you must play the class who's balls (metaphorically) most resemble the engineer. Since none of the classes come close, just hit random.

On offense, you should have a very similar strategery as you do on PL maps.

For some reason, people seem to think the engineerist is a massive threat. More so than a heavy/medic combo standing right next to you. This is probably true, and earns you the ire of snipers, soldiers, pyros etc
Use this to distract the cowards so that your cowardly team can survive slightly longer and miss more people. You can probably drop a few cowards with your shotgun while you're at it.

You are also free to check for spies, especially since they are obligated to take out your sentry if you built it right.

Strategery #4 - Dispensitizers

Your dispensitator is a vital tool in dispensing and respensing vital tools vital to building tools vital to your survival. Your team might forget to close their mouths long after they're done eating, and might be almost completely incapable of preforming basic motor functions, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't support them with some delicious iced cream.

Plop one down near the frontlines, but in cover so that it doesn't explode when explosions occur on it.

If you think the fight is going to take a long time, upgrade it.

Also, if your stationary supply dispensitation station is sapped at the same time as your stationary projectile propulsion apparatus, repair the stationary supply dispensitation station first. It has less health than your stationary projectile propulsion apparatus, and is much more useful as it can feed you bullets which will actually kill things.

On arena, a dispenser is key to victory. This is especially true when your team lacks a proper medicinalist, or has a medic with the reflexes of a cactus.

Strategery #5 - Friendly Engineers

Engineers are quite useful, in that when they die, they drop a lot of metal. They will also sometimes build their own approximation of a dispensitizator which can dispensitize metals to you and your sentry gun.

You can tell engineers that you'll cover their sentry gun while they go off and die, and when it explodes, grab all the metal and build your own, much much better sentry gun.

If someone puts a dispensitizer down before their sentry, put your sentry down before they get the chance. That way, you will have two dispensers.

You can also command other engineers to help you build.

Cowards who need killing in order of priority

1. The Demoman - Rush him and shoot him with your shotgun as he shoots stickies at your useless stationary projectile propulsion apparatus. He's probably going to try and run away (coward) and shoot stickies on his feet. This will do a lot of damage to you, but it will probably kill him too as you are shooting him with bullets. Some will try to hit you with a bottle, but they don't have the balls (metaphorically) that your standard engineerist does.

2. Les Espions - Everyone calls them cowards, but at least they have the balls to get close to you before killing you. They have to be able to disable your sentry in order to kill you. To make this harder, stay away from your damn gun. Stay in range, but don't hump the thing, it's metal, it's not a real person.
Use the sentry as bait, then when the spy has revealed himself, show him a real face stab… by bludgeoning him to death with a blunt object.

3. Pyro - It's important to note that these guys are massive, massive idiots. The flaregun becomes somewhat more threatening in the hands of a skilled burnalist, but burnalists are usually busy adequately killing spies.
Show them that they're gonna need more than massive, massive damage to kill you. You're a real man (or woman)
Keep your distance as much as you can.

4. Medic - The ones on your team are probably busy overhealing people based on their BMI, so it's good to vent your anger on the enemy medics. As an engineerist, you're sometimes granted the good luck to be ignored based on your BMI. Larger targets might get priority over you, so use it to kill the medic!

5. Heavy - Keep your distance, get some cover and start pinging him in the face with your pistol. The pistol is OP and will probably drop him in a few seconds. If it doesn't, he's probably hacking. Just keep shooting. Hacks won't save him forever.

6. Soldier - For some reason, rockets are glitched in TF2 and can kill rather quickly. The soldier will most likely shoot his feet when he gets scared, and he will most likely hit something in the vicinity. Try to ambush them, or rush them when they are low on health.

7. Sniper - Until valve lets you throw the wrench, there isn't much you can do to kill these cowards. You're not supposed to anyway. Your best bet is to sneak up on them and ambush them, which you should indeed do if your idiot team can't. He should melt like putty on a radiator when he is met with such sizable balls (metaphoric balls)

8. Scout - He'll be dead anyway. Unless he conc jumps out of there

I've seen some other strategeries in game employed by idiot engineers. Here's what not to do :

Strategeries for Idiots

1. Blocking stairs with teleporters - This kills more team mates than anyone else. Most enemies can just shoot them. Spies just jump over them. If you really have to be an idiot, build a dispenser there instead. It still blocks people, but it at least heals your team mates instead of slowing them down when they're trying to reach the respawn.

2. Building random teleporters to lure spies out - This stopped working 2 weeks after the game was released

3. Building two sentries right next to each other - This just gives enemy demomen 2 destructions instead of 1 even with the extra pushback.

4. Building the teleportization device first - To the behest of your overly cheery outlook on the fps gaming community, expecting your team mates to use the teleportator and then cover you while you build everything else is a rookie mistake. Your team mates will teleportize into the area, look around several times and then leave. Don't worry, you'll be a jaded cynic soon enough.

In Summary

If you follow these strategeries, you will have taken a few small steps towards reaching manhood (or womanhood). Some day, you might even be strategeritizing your own strategerizations. Probably not though.

Good luck!

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